Shadowdance
by Zurui Karasu
Summary: A long rambling type poem from Val's point of view after his rebirth about the fleeting memories of his past that exist only as a shadow in his mind. Slash warning on this one!


The black feathers of the morning swirl in the breeze at my feet  
Dancing with the long shadows  
The black fingers that still covet them  
Reaching futilely for them as they prance away  
Shed from the daily flight of the ebony angel  
That soars beside a majestic streak of gold in the pale sky  
My mother  
But what she is  
I am not  
  
I am the ashes of a phoenix  
Shunned by light and embraced by darkness  
Destroyed by my own flame  
And born again  
Something not quite the original  
Different  
No longer a brilliant bird of rebirth  
Alone   
  
Shreds of a dark memory haunt my dreams  
The tale of a life I knew and lived  
And now do not  
Forgotten in the winds of time  
Shrouded in darkness  
Something I sense I must never remember  
But is impossible to forget  
My connection is not severed  
Not completely  
  
I still dream of blood  
Flashes of gold against a cold gray sky framed in deep crimson  
The black feathers furiously flying  
Then falling  
Resting forever in stained ice  
  
I close my eyes against it  
But I can still hear  
I can still feel  
The screams ring in my ears  
Some my own  
Some not  
My body burns with pain  
My hot blood rushing from it  
Staining the ground beneath me where I lie  
Waiting  
  
I always wake then  
My face stained with tears  
But my body unmarred  
No blood courses from my veins to the ground  
It flows as it always has  
And the scars I see in my icy reflection are gone  
The cruel look in my eye  
Replaced by my happiness  
And my emptiness  
  
My life is filled with golden light  
While something inside remembers  
Craves  
Yearns  
For the burning fires of life  
As I once was  
A phoenix  
And I still dream  
  
I dance with the shadows in reverie alone  
Wreathed in flame and passion  
My body alive  
Soul consumed  
By a burning whirlwind  
A beautifully grotesque silhouette is my partner  
A dark figure that hides his face beneath  
Until my gleaming white hand reaches out to touch   
  
I feel   
And then the fires dim  
Leave a deep, comforting light and warmth behind  
And his pleasingly rough hand brushes my cheek  
I look up at last into his eyes  
No longer frightened by his blackness  
  
"You play with darkness."  
His voice is eerie  
It echoes upon itself  
It has been used cruelly  
  
"It is what I am."  
My answer is meek  
My voice trembles  
But I am not afraid  
  
"Fire is light, and it shines on your black feathers."  
His question startles me  
But I find the voice to answer  
"They are black because of fire."  
I proclaim angrily  
"Light has charred them so,  
I am both."  
  
Nothing more is said  
And I fade away  
I melt into shadow  
Into his embrace  
  
And then at last  
I am safe  
I can feel him  
  
I feel the memories of a thousand nights  
Glittering with the soft watching starlight  
The smell of the wind and rain  
His halcyon touch against my skin  
As I run my hands through his wild, coarse red hair  
And taste his lips upon my own  
  
He is an untamed spirit of the night  
He came to me  
And we danced  
Both shade in the crimson firelight  
Cascading  
Bounding  
Flowing over all  
Engulfing our world with our black euphoria  
  
I should not be so happy  
He is a monster  
I have been taught well  
I should know better!  
But his passion entices me  
Consumes me utterly  
He becomes a part of me  
Just as I am a part of him  
Eternally  
  
We make love in the blue dusty light of the stars and the moon  
And his touch fills me with all I desire  
Holding me close in the darkest hours  
Whispering my name on his soft breath  
He is my life, my savior, my lover  
  
He is one moment  
Suspended within the brilliance of a thousand points of radiance  
Encased in a perfect purple velvet shroud  
Then shattered into a thousand pieces  
Murdered  
Ripped from my grasp as I watched  
Helpless…  
We fall from each other's grasp  
And I feel him no more  
Only myself, grief, the darkness  
And torment  
  
He is gone…  
  
I wake then to find only light  
Breathless  
My shadow fled to the new dawn  
Alone again  
  
But I remember the dark man with the wild red hair  
Only as a shadow  
A feeling  
A shred of black as a dark feather  
Drifting between the sun's and my fingers  
Forever fleeting and just out of reach  
Still dancing without a partner   
Waiting patiently  
  
Waiting for me…  
  
Someday  
I will 


End file.
